A conversation with menopause coach Amantha King
When people talk about menopause, the conversation often focuses on hot flushes, sleep changes, or mood swings. But there’s another side to menopause that many women are far less prepared for: the impact it can have on intimate comfort, confidence, and emotional wellbeing.
During a recent visit to the P.Happi® lab, menopause coach and leadership expert Amantha King joined us for an honest conversation about the menopause symptoms women still don’t talk about enough. From dryness and friction to anxiety around intimacy and feeling disconnected from your body, the discussion highlighted just how closely intimate wellbeing and mental wellbeing are connected – and why understanding your “normal” and recognising changes early matters.
And perhaps most importantly, it reinforced one powerful message: women know their bodies better than anyone and recognising changes early can make a huge difference.
The menopause symptoms women are rarely warned about
For many women, changes in intimate comfort can begin during perimenopause, long before menopause itself. As oestrogen levels decline, the tissues around the vulva and vagina can become thinner, drier, and more sensitive – changes associated with Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM), a chronic and progressive condition linked to oestrogen deficiency (British Menopause Society, 2025). GSM can affect the vulva, vagina, bladder, and urinary tract, with symptoms often impacting comfort, intimacy, and quality of life.
Using a 3D vulva model during our discussion, Amantha explained how these changes can affect much more than sex: "As we start to lose some of that oestrogen during perimenopause, there’ll be shrinkage and thinning,” she explains. “And that thinning can cause friction during everyday movement.”
For some women, everyday activities such as walking, cycling, exercise, intimacy, sitting for long periods or even wearing certain underwear and clothing can suddenly feel more uncomfortable due to increased sensitivity and skin friction. Research suggests GSM symptoms can significantly affect daily living, movement, sleep, intimacy, and self-esteem (Burgin, 2025).
The skin around the vulva and perineum can become more delicate and sensitive, sometimes leading to tenderness, tearing, itching, or soreness. “A lot of women feel discouraged from speaking openly about intimate discomfort,” says Amantha. “And that silence is where the damage happens.”
Why intimate discomfort can affect mental wellbeing
Intimate wellbeing is often treated as separate from mental wellbeing, but the reality is far more connected. Hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause can affect both physical and emotional wellbeing. Symptoms such as anxiety, low mood, sleep disturbances, and difficulty concentrating are recognised symptoms of menopause and perimenopause (NHS, 2025; NHS Inform, 2022). When discomfort becomes part of daily life, it can quietly impact confidence, concentration, relationships, sleep, and emotional health. Amantha encourages women to start paying attention to changes early, rather than dismissing symptoms or assuming they simply have to “put up with it.”
Many women begin second-guessing themselves:
- Why does my body suddenly feel different?
- Is this normal?
- Why didn’t anyone warn me about this?
- Will intimacy become painful?
- Am I the only one experiencing this?
Over time, physical discomfort can turn into emotional stress. Amantha explains: “The most damaging symptom isn’t always a hot flush, it’s self-doubt.” She describes hearing women speak openly about anxiety, fear around intimacy, embarrassment, and feeling disconnected from their body during menopause. Even symptoms that may sound “small” can have a surprisingly large emotional impact when they are experienced every day. “You don’t want to feel sore. You don’t want to feel anxious afterwards,” she says. “It can put women off intimacy completely because they start associating it with fear or discomfort.”
Menopause intimacy needs a new conversation
One of the most important parts of our conversation was redefining what intimacy means during midlife and menopause. Too often, intimacy during menopause is reduced to conversations around libido or penetrative sex. But Amantha believes the conversation needs to become much more compassionate and realistic: “Intimacy is many things, it can start with hand-holding, closeness, connection, and taking your time.”
As intimate tissues become more sensitive, comfort becomes essential. Feeling relaxed, emotionally safe, and physically supported can make a significant difference. Amantha also emphasised the importance of removing shame from these conversations altogether: “We should break open the taboo around intimacy at all stages of life and recognise that women’s comfort is incredibly important.”
The symptoms women feel embarrassed to mention
One particularly honest moment in our conversation focused on menopause symptoms that many women experience but rarely discuss openly. As oestrogen levels decline, dryness and irritation can affect the wider intimate area, not just the vagina itself. Some women may notice itching, irritation, or discomfort around the vulva, perineum, and even around the anus due to hormonal changes affecting sensitive tissues.
Amantha explains: “Anal itching and dryness during menopause is something women really don’t talk about enough. It can be incredibly distracting and isolating, especially when women think they’re the only ones experiencing it."
The more openly women talk about intimate wellbeing during menopause, the easier it becomes to remove stigma and encourage support.
Why routines and practical support matter
During our discussion, Amantha also spoke about the importance of practical, everyday support. For many women using localised oestrogen, overnight application can help support tissue health and hydration. But menopause symptoms don’t disappear during the day and many women are balancing work, travel, caring responsibilities, exercise, and busy schedules. “Having something simple and easy to use during the day can make a huge difference,” she says.
This idea of “everyday comfort” is something that often gets overlooked in menopause conversations. Yet feeling comfortable in your body can affect your confidence, emotional wellbeing, relationships, movement, sleep and general quality of life.
And while there is no one-size-fits-all solution for menopause symptoms, support, education, and consistency can help women feel more informed and empowered.
Knowing your normal and advocating for yourself
For younger women approaching perimenopause, Amantha’s advice is simple: start paying attention to your body early. “No two menopauses are the same,” she says. “Know yourself. Track your symptoms. You know what your normal feels like.”
She explains that psychological symptoms are often some of the earliest signs of perimenopause, yet they can be difficult to describe or easy to dismiss. Rather than only listing symptoms, Amantha encourages women to focus on the impact those symptoms are having on their lives: “Talk about how it’s affecting you day to day. Is it stopping you doing the things you want to do? Is it affecting your confidence, your relationships, your wellbeing?”
Most importantly, she encourages women not to suffer in silence: “Don’t be afraid. There’s good information out there, there’s support available, and you are not alone.”
A more open conversation around menopause and wellbeing
At P.Happi®, we believe intimate wellbeing is an important part of overall wellbeing and deserves to be talked about with more honesty, compassion, and understanding. Menopause may bring changes to the body, but women should never feel ashamed of seeking support, asking questions, or prioritising their comfort.
Comfort affects how we move through the world, how we feel in our relationships, and how connected we feel to ourselves. And as Amantha reminds us, menopause is not about losing yourself. It’s about learning how to support yourself differently through a new stage of life.
About Amantha King
Amantha is an experienced leadership and confidence coach helping individuals, teams, and organisations thrive. Through her mPOWERu® programme and Create:Develop:Build® framework, she blends behavioural change coaching with menopause-inclusive leadership to empower women and help organisations create more supportive workplaces.
We previously spoke with Amantha about menopause in the workplace and the importance of better support for women during midlife. Read here: Menopause in the Workplace: Your rights, support and practical solutions
You can connect with Amantha on: Linkedin
For resources & podcast episodes (Menopause Conversations) : visit YouTube
For upcoming events visit: www.amanthakingcoaching.com
Instagram: @mymenocoach | @amanthakingcoaching
References:
- British Menopause Society. (2025). Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM). Retrieved from https://thebms.org.uk/publications/consensus-statements/genitourinary-syndrome-of-menopause-gsm/
- Burgin, J. (2025). Genitourinary syndrome of menopause. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12770846/
- NHS. (2025). Menopause symptoms. Retrieved from https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause/symptoms/
- NHS Inform. (2022). Menopause and your mental wellbeing. Retrieved from https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/womens-health/later-years-around-50-years-and-over/menopause-and-post-menopause-health/menopause-and-your-mental-wellbeing/
